I like writing.
I’m actually pretty good at it too.
Here I am sitting in Doha on a 10 hour layover en route to Nepal and I’m wondering, where has the time gone? How has it been two years since I last blogged?
Sometimes, I think of all the blogs I never posted. All the stories in my head. The pages of my journal. The answered prayers I’ve seen time and time again. The testimonies of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness.
So why do I not post more?
Why do I not share these things?
The thing is, I don’t mean to hold back. I have the best intentions. For a long time, I’ve complained about how hard it is for me to make the time to sit down and write. The truth is, it’s not that I don’t or can’t write. It’s that I want it to be PERFECT if I’m going to make it public.
If I’m going to post, it needs to have purpose. It needs to pack a punch. It needs to be everything I’m thinking, feeling, learning, and experiencing in that very moment. Hello, PRESSURE. Geez.
You see, I like to “have it all together”. To know what I’m feeling before I put it out there in the world. To have the perfect lesson prepared out of every messy season. That doesn’t always happen though. Obviously.
Just last week, I was in an intense spiritual battle. I had such an urgency to pray and fast, seek the Lord, and worship. I described it as “fighting with the air”. That’s what it felt like, but it was a matter of life and death. I could feel it in my spirit. Something was happening in the spiritual realm, and although, I could not see it and I still can’t explain it, something has shifted.
I can feel newness of life coming and refreshing me. The clouds have seemingly rolled away and I can see clearly again. Have you ever had a season like that?
Scripture is clear, we WILL have trials and tribulations. We aren’t always going to have it together or fully understand everything with perfect explanations and answers. And guess what? A lot of times, God ALLOWS it. He allows us to go through difficult times. To learn to push through. To build our faith muscles. To put our money where our mouth is, so to speak. To really ask ourselves, “is this worth fighting for?”.
“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Ephesians 6:12
Have you ever felt like you were fighting something unseen? Like darkness was closing in on you, but you weren’t sure why? There is something to be said of warring in our spirit. Fighting and pushing back the darkness in your life. Proclaim OUT LOUD who you are and who God is. Breaking off things in the spirit that the enemy has thrown against you. He can only work with what we allow to stick. What lies are you believing? What have you agreed with him about? It’s time to shake it off! It’s okay to look a little crazy if you have to!! This is a battle for your life! What kind of life do you want to live? A defeated life or a victorious life?
James 2:19 says that even the demons tremble before God. James 4:7 says we can resist the devil and he will flee. It doesn’t say how long it will take, it just says he WILL flee if you keep resisting him. Hold onto that promise! Keep fighting!
For me, last week was a battle of my mind. It still IS, I can just see it more clearly now. This is not a new concept or revelation for me. It’s not earth shattering, but it feels like another level of this lesson and just how serious it is. Your mind MATTERS. What is in your mind MATTERS to your spiritual well being.
We can do all the outward things to look more Christian or even try to be more Christian. We can try to perfect ourselves and “pull ourselves up by the boot straps”, but in the end, it’s not enough. We’ve got to feed our spirit and renew our mind more than we give into the ways of the world or our own selfish desires.
Recently, I made a list that helped me start more honestly and accurately assessing what I am breeding in my own life. It’s just a tangible way to start evaluating better what I’m choosing on a daily basis. I took some sticky notes (cuz, duh) and on one I wrote “FEEDS MY FLESH” and on the other I wrote “FEEDS MY SPIRIT”. I listed things under each one accordingly. I’m not doing this to be perfect. This is not a set of rules I have to live by. This is a choice I’m making to be more intentional about what I’m feeding into my own life.
“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.” Colossians 3:1-2
If I wonder all the time why my mind isn’t being renewed, perhaps I need to ask myself what I’m putting in my mind. What am I listening to? What am I watching? What words and jokes are coming out of my mouth? What am I fantasizing about? What or who do I spend most of my time thinking about?
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things”. Philippians 4:8
Y’all. This battle is real. It’s a struggle sometimes. I am not perfect. I don’t always get it right. That’s what life looks like though. You try, you fail, you get back up, you get stronger, and you try again. Keep going, friends. Dust yourself off and keep fighting. It’s not easy, but it will be worth it! You’re producing something in the spirit. A resilience that will get stronger and tougher against the schemes of the enemy. Stand fast!
After last week, I’m more determined than ever to kick the enemy in the face when he tries to take me out. I’m so annoyed by his tactics. Especially since he has no new tools. I just keep falling for the same old things. It’s time to take your life back and pull down those strongholds!
“For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:4-6
This is me overcoming the lie in my head that I have to be perfect or have it all together. The lie that says I can’t write or post or share if I don’t have all the perfect words to say. I just wrote this in the span of an hour, sitting in an airport. There are no pretty pictures or fancy color schemes, but it’s real and honest and very much raw for me. Our minds are powerful tools. Be careful to whom you give that power. Guard who or what you give your mind’s attention to.
Dr. Caroline Leaf says, “where the mind goes, the brain {or body} follows…your choices are based on what you have built into your minds.”
Boom. Go to war for your mind. You’ll be glad you did.
“And take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13
